Stronger

currently blasting - Daniel Powter "Bad Day", Kanye West "Stronger"

jesus fucking christ. today was a REALLY BAD DAY. and I'm not exaggerating - today was just godawful. probably one of the worst days of my life. see, there's no such thing as a "somewhat bad day" or a "so-so bad day." no, a bad day is when everything around you just falls apart. when one moment you think everything is fine in la-la land with fairies and birds and lollipops, and then the next moment you are strung out, cast out and thrown at the mercy to the lions of society. yes, a bad day is when society unfairly fucks you over for no reason at all, other than to mess with your mind

where one day you're thinking about what activities you are going to do this weekend, and then you are suddently thinking about how can you even do those activities in the first place. where you get played, shafted, short-changed, and there is hardly anything you can do about it

oh, damn wheel of fortuna!

okay, among the people I know, there are some people who seem to NEVER have a bad day, where life is just laid out perfectly for them, where they barely have to break a sweat and they get everything they want. these sunavabitches coast through life. they have it made. they always get the perfect hand. everything in life comes super easy; all they have to do is stick out their hand and it gets filled with riches. the perfect people

currently listening to - India Arie "Video"

on the other hand, there are those who aren't as fortunate. who, for some reason, always seem to be playing with a losing hand. people that desperately want to join the winners' circle, but seem to always fall spectacularly short because of the hand they are dealt. these people try to make the best of their situation, "play with the cards they have," but who are they kidding the cards don't lie. everything is a struggle for these people. these people understand the value of their remaining chips. they keep this number in their mind. often times, they ask themselves why they are even playing the game in the first place. do these people have the choice to walk away from the table? can they stop playing? why are they playing in the first place?

do we ever have a chance to truly do whatever we want?

now listening to - Augustana "Sunday Best"

life is not fair. jesus christ, life is unbelievably unfair. ask the civilians in Georgia and Saint Ossetia. look at the pictures in the New York Times, The Los Angeles Times. did they ever do anything to have their homes devastated, everything that they own destroyed? WHY IS LIFE SO UNFAIR?!

we were never truly masters of our own destinies. life just APPEARS to be controllable, but in the end we are all God's little sock puppets. or in a darker way, we are all fate's bitch (that brilliant little insight came from Wonderfalls, my favorite show). I don't even know why we try to assert ourselves, we're just going to get fucked anyways. and by such I mean the "unlucky" ones. perfect people never get fucked

so now I'm fuming over my superbad day, and I'm a whirlwind of emotions, some angry, some sad, a lot confused

I feel like I am NEVER, EVER truly appreciated for anything I do. that my labor is taken for granted, and I end up as a casualty of society. after all, I never had much worth anyways. oh sure, I was useful when bitchwork needed to be done, but any other time? nah, she's pretty useless. easy to dispose

jesus fucking christ. what a fucking bad day


EDIT: and I also twisted my ankle. physical and emotional distress. nice